Yesterday I read a brief article from a rabbi and father of ten. It made me think again of how nine months ago, my life changed forever. I had a child– my first child– and I officially became “Mom.” Intermingled with the “day I’d always dreamed of” and the trepidation of being responsible for another human being, there came a new feeling of wholeness that I still can’t really describe. Many days are hard. I’m often weary and a bit beleaguered as we troop through these infant months, but being Mom is so much more than just being April, and I count myself blessed to have the privilege.
My husband and I are often asked how many children we plan to have. I suppose this is a common question, and it may seem especially relevant since my husband has six siblings and people are curious if we plan to follow that trend. My answer has always been “one at a time.” As a consummate planner, I’m sure I would feel more comfortable with a concrete answer, but the fact is I don’t want one. I don’t know what the future holds, nor should I.
Around the time my son turned 6 months old, I came out of the postpartum fog with an overwhelming conviction that one baby is not enough. The rewards of dedicating myself to this little person far outweigh my self-serving desires to have free time, get sleep, and do my own thing (even eat or shower). I am better because I can no longer be as selfish. And I have to believe that if this is true with my little boy, the effect on my character can only multiply as we add to the mix. Family is the ultimate character shaping tool. We learn to bend and not break, to give and not expect in return, to love with abandon, to be fearless.
In his article, Rabbi Boteach chronicles the disapproval he receives in public for having so many children and describes contempt for large families as “the last acceptable prejudice in our society.” And then he talks about fatherhood. He says this:
“By just looking at my children, I become more innocent. By loving them, I become more noble. By spending my money on them rather than myself, I find transcendence. And by being a father and liberating all of the love in my heart, my spirit soars free. I work hard to support a large family and I give up no pleasures in doing so because my children are my foremost pleasure.”
I could not have expressed it better myself. In a western world plagued by infertility, the disintegration of the family, and a blatant dismissal of marriage, I count myself blessed to have both the ability and stability to bring children into the world.
Does this mean my husband and I will have 10 children? I have no idea. But I’m not saying no, because whatever scorn I may face outside, it can never compare to the fullness of life, love and purpose I find in my family.
April –
Terrific blog post!
I am glad you are not succumbing to our culture’s prevailing attitude that children are a nuisance to our otherwise happy lives.
They are, in large measure, why we have lives at all. Sure, there’s a lot we can do that can “change the world” outside of having children. However, few things can have the compounding impact on society and culture that children raised well can have. After all, they will have children (hopefully) who will be raised in the same way.
Thanks for bringing up the topic. I don’t know about having 10 kids but I do believe children are God’s greatest gift to us; and they are the greatest blessing we can bestow on those who come after us.
I enjoyed this very much, as well as the article by Rabbi Boteach. My biggest regret is not having more children. I have come to this perspective too late, but am now active in promoting a culture of life and NFP, in particular.
For those of us who care about the stuff we put into our bodies, I wonder if women know that the birth control pill increases the risk of breast cancer by over 40% if it is taken before a woman delivers her first baby. This risk increases by 70% if the Pill is used for four or more years before the woman’s first child is born.
Here are all of the frightening statistics: http://onemoresoul.com/contraception/risks-consequences/what-a-woman-should-know-about-birth-control.html
Anyway, thanks for sharing April! Robin
You hit the nail on the head April and in doing so it was a great read. Becoming a mother 7 months ago was life changing for me also. At that time, I told myself that it would be a VERY long time before I came down this road again. However, 7 months and counting I find myself flirting with the idea of having another “NOW”. I will have a few more but as you said, in God’s time because my time will never find itself in the present.
Yes, it is strange to have 10 children, given the fact that we live in a culture of 2.4 children but if that is ones desire who are we to say anything as long as they are loved and wanted and taken care of.
I’ll be looking forward to to see what your number is