I have spent the last few minutes glancing over a horribly tragic article on GQ’s website. The article is the recounting of an interview—more of a rambling conversation, really—with Billy Ray Cyrus, the early 90’s country music star and father of the seemingly off-the-rails teen star Miley Cyrus.

In his conversation with the GQ reporter, Cyrus admits to loneliness and shame—because of his upcoming divorce, because of the scandalous and well-publicized mistakes his daughter has made, and because he feels he has been played as a fool by Miley’s “handlers.” All of this is mixed in with conversation about his upcoming album, stories about his childhood and even discussions of his hairstyle. But the soul-baring nature of his fatherly confessions is heartbreaking. One particular quote stood out to me as significant:

[Cyrus] tells me that he has never been able to discipline his kids and that he now wonders whether that was a mistake. “How many interviews did I give and say, ‘You know what’s important between me and Miley is I try to be a friend to my kids’? I said it a lot. And sometimes I would even read other parents might say, ‘You don’t need to be a friend, you need to be a parent.’ Well, I’m the first guy to say to them right now: You were right. I should have been a better parent. I should have said, ‘Enough is enough—it’s getting dangerous and somebody’s going to get hurt.’ I should have, but I didn’t. Honestly, I didn’t know the ball was out of bounds until it was way up in the stands somewhere.”

It’s amazing the pull our children’s happiness has on our hearts. Each time my toddler wants something, there is something in me that wants to give it to him, regardless of the consequences (thankfully at this point it’s only a spoiled dinner or a big mess I’ll need to clean up later). But the simple fact is our role as parents is not to cater to our children’s happiness. It is to teach them the virtue and character that will enable them to live rich, full and, yes, even happy lives when they take the reins.

Miley was recently voted “the worst celebrity role model for young girls” for the second year in a row—and this was in a poll that was voted on by teenage girls themselves. It is devastating to read a parent lament the time and opportunity he has lost, but even now Cyrus seems to think there is nothing he can do to make a difference in Miley’s errant ways. I would venture to say that for a young girl labeled as a terrible role model, a good strong father to look up to is exactly what could set her straight.

There is hope for Miley and for our kids, too. According to a Barna Research poll released just two weeks ago, teens choose family members as primary role models, even when the possible answers did not include parents. This means that hopefully our children will choose to look to wise adults in their families instead of wrong-headed celebs like Miley. It also means that Billy Ray could be just what his daughter is looking for. I hope that he will step up and pursue the role that is rightfully his in Miley’s life, for both of their sakes.

As we creep closer to Halloween I’m struck by the way costume companies have brought new meaning to the word “trick” in trick or treat.

Millions of children will be dressed up as their favorite characters from books or television shows. Others will dress like the traditional ghost, witch or other scary character. But a troubling number of adolescent and teenage girl are choosing costumes that are more suitable for a strip club than the front porch of your home.

One needs only to scan through the party store sale flyers in the newspaper to see just how girls’ costumes have degenerated. There’s the “racy referee” with the high heels and miniskirt, and the “blood lust vampire” with the black laced bustier and fish net leggings. Even the Alice in Wonderland costume shows little resemblance to the classic Disney character. I don’t recall Alice ever wearing short skirts, striped glovettes and leggings.

Grown women dress like this to be sexually attractive to men. Since when did it become OK for girls who can’t even drive to wear costumes that imitate strippers and street walkers? My friend, author and speaker Rebecca Hagelin, raises a good question: who are these girls trying to entice? “14-year-old boys carrying bags of candy? 35-year-old dads who answer the door? The pedophile down the street?” Chances are the girls aren’t trying to entice anyone. The makers of the costumes on the other hand…what are they thinking?

These costumes, and many of the clothes marketed to young girls today, turn them into sexual objects – overemphasizing body image and misleading girls into believing that being sexy and attractive are what give them self-worth.

I’m sure someone reading this is thinking to themselves “Come on, this is all in fun. Let these kids have a good time, let them use their imagination.” Well, for starters, we should be concerned about what may go on in other people’s imaginations when they see girls dressed like this. But aside from that, there’s clear evidence that this is damaging to kids.

A report by the American Psychological Association linked what it calls the “sexualization” of girls to three of the most common female mental health problems: eating disorders, low self-esteem, and depression. They also linked it to many other physical and sexual consequences as well.

But retailers will continue peddling racy costume to our girls; just as many television programs, movies and recording artists will promote their own sexually charged messages. It’s a challenge for parents, but one worth taking on.

Parents need to be purposeful in teaching kids a healthy view of their sexuality, but more importantly of themselves. Our daughters (and sons) have intrinsic value because of who they are – their character, talents, intellect and personality. We should help them build their self-confidence and their self-respect by encouraging them to be engaged in sports, academics, church groups and other worthwhile things.

We need to protect them from the pressure to dress “sexy” and grown up. Halloween gives us the perfect opportunity to address the issue of modesty. Setting standards when our daughters are young (between 8 and 10 years old) is ideal. But even when they’re teenagers, it’s important to teach them that the way they dress sends a message. And their worth and value come from who they are, not how they look.

At the same time, we should be clear that there’s nothing wrong with wanting to look nice and be attractive. Changes in a girl’s body are natural and good. Her body is not the problem; it’s the clothes that are the issue. Instead of emphasizing what she can’t wear, we should help her find fashionable, but appropriate, alternatives.

What girls believe about themselves matters for their wellbeing, and the wellbeing of our sons too. If girls narrow their self-worth to how provocatively they dress, then they are missing the chance to appreciate everything else that makes them unique and special. We have to be sure they know there’s so much more to who they are.